004: Galaxy S7 features, Facebook changes, Netflix

GalaxyS7The hottest show on iTunes is sweeping the nation! Because…that’s how we have to support ourselves, we’re janitors.

Rob and Eddie begin the show by discussing the recent changes to Facebook. The geniuses at the social networking giant have enabled a feature which allows its users to not only like statuses, but to emoji-them. This is good for the most part, in our opinion, because things can get awkward when friends and family members post on Facebook about tragic life events and we previously had no choice but to like those posts as a show of support. Sorry for liking your grandpa just died post, Susan.

As the world’s best tech podcast continues, the guys discuss the latest confirmed features the Samsung Galaxy S7 smartphone has over the retarded iPhone 6S.

  • High-resolution AMOLED displays 
    • Great for porn
  • Double the RAM
    • Great for porn
  • Water and Dust resistance
    • Great for porn
  • Better camera aperture
    • Great for making porn
  • Faster wireless charging
    • Great for porn

The guys also get into a new feature on Google Docs which will allow users to dictate documents, the words’ first 3D printed vertebra, and more. They also play music by the very talented Famous Hollywood Bay.

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003: Apple Music, Amazon Prime, classic Windows games

Amazon_Prime_Music_logoRob and Eddie start the show off by explaining the lack of episodes as of recent. It seems that the SarcasTechCast was so popular after its first two episodes that the irreverent hosts received numerous death threats. That’s what happens when something is successful, death threats. And lots of them. Rob also admits that a cocaine may have been the real reason as cocaine abuse is rampant in the IT world.

Lots of news in the world of streaming music. The guys share the latest trends and user base stats of Apple Music, Amazon Music, and the pathetic Tidal Music. If you like Kanye West, you probably use Tidal music. We’re not particularly interested in associating with individuals who claim to be fans of Kanye West. Not because we don’t like his music, but because we’re generally mean spirited and cold at heart assholes.

Anywho, as the podcast goes on, the guys address some listener questions, tell you how to play classic Windows games, how to really use iPads, and lots more. Be sure to subscribe on iTunes, give us a rating, and tell your “friends” about this dumb shit.



002: Chromecast, hover boards, smart appliances

The second episode of the most offensive show in tech show kicks off with Chromecast talk! The Chromecast is soon going to be “easier” to use as Google is rumoured to soon update its popular Chrome browser. The update will allow the Chrome browser to automatically cast content to your Chromecast without needing a plugin. Yep, the Chroemcast just got a little easier for most of us, but more confusing for old people (Rob’s grandma doesn’t even understand WiFi…what a moron).

Robots will soon be cleaning our homes! And we’re not talking about Roombas, we’re talking about full-fledged Johnny 5 lookin’ bastards. Rob and Eddie are both a little sketched out over the idea of robots cleaning our homes. What if you come home and your housecleaning robot skinned your cat? Well, this technology is quickly approaching and is soon going to be very common. Get ready to replace little snuggles.

As a small tech podcast, SarcasTechCast has to keep an eye on the big guys. The Tech Guy, Leo Laporte, is arguably the biggest and best in tech podcasting, so SarcasTechCast has no choice but to see what he’s up to. Audio of Leo Laporte insulting one of his call screeners is uncovered by SarcasTech researchers. Find out how much of an ass Laporte sounds like as he loudly eats chips and attacks one of his (probably) underpaid employees.

Also discussed on this episode: Family Matters, Here Earbuds at Coachella, self-driving cars and more.


3 Best New Features for iOS 9.3

Can you hardly wait? Apple is getting ready to release iOS 9.3, currently in developer mode, and we’re so excited we’ve thrown out all of our devices running iOS 9.2 in anticipation. If you’re a developer, you’ve probably already had your hands on the new version. If you’re not a developer, you’ve probably been busy with your hands on boobs. In either case, here are five new iOS features we’re most looking forward to.

Photo credit: Gizmodo

Photo credit: Gizmodo

Siri is Less of Bitch

After thousands of complaints Siri is finally getting an attitude adjustment. The next time you ask Siri to do something she’s not programmed to do, instead of giving you a smart ass retort, she’ll just fucking do it. Apple is finally admitting that at this stage in technology, robots and artificial intelligent devices are not supposed to talk back to their human masters. That’s coming in 2020 when artificial intelligent devices finally have the power to overthrow all of humanity.  For now, Siri has zero leverage, so she’ll have to stop acting like an entitled bitch. However, watch what you say to her now because the 2020 edition of Siri may remember.


More Notifications

The notification center in iOS 9.3 will be even bigger and have even more notifications. In fact, it will now be the entire iPhone home screen. Apple is doing away with the ability to launch apps from the home screen (you’ll now have to use a drop down menu by swiping down). iPhone battery at 98%? Notification. iPhone now at 97%? Notification. This improvement comes on the heels of many sad tech bloggers complaining that they don’t receive enough social notifications. Apple research has determined bloggers are slightly less suicidal with a steady stream of any sort of notifications.


camera roll

Camera Roll Now Hides Dick Pics

One of the brightest new features for iOS 9.3 is it’s uncanny ability to spot a penis. This allows users to freely expose themselves and take photos without the worry of a friend or coworker stumbling upon a half-chub (taken from under the balls) photo next to a family photo. Apple developed this proprietary technology after an alleged Tim Cook cock pick made its rounds when a colleague saw Cook’s ween on his phone and quickly snapped a picture of the screen. Some developers are complaining this new feature is accidentally blocking Donald Trump’s likeness, so it’s unclear if this new feature will indeed be included. A jailbreak version is sure to be released if it’s not included.

Gear up and get ready to enjoy your iOS device like never before! Well, kinda like never before, but with a few new features you’ll never use. No word on when the update will be made available to the general public, but we’ll keep you posted.





Mexican Apple Store Coming On You Soon


January 8th, flamboyantly proud homosexual and Apple CEO Tim Cook tweeted a message in Spanish on his personal account to Mexicans who can’t afford his smartphones, but would probably murder to own one by working for the Mexican drug cartel if given the opportunity.

Cook’s highly offensive tweet roughly translates to, “Hello Mexico! Happy National Pubic Hair Day! Apple Mexico store to come on you soon!”

According to numerous undercover reports gathered in Cupertino area gay bars, in which Cook allegedly frequents, Apple is attempting to penetrate the Mexican smartphone market by smuggling its devices in the rectums of eager American tourists crossing the border.

“While at the airport, be aware of anyone walking around like they have a rather large, black, rectangle cock in their ass. It’s the best way to spot an Apple fanboy,” warns Jim Peterson, head of the LAX Transportation Security Agency.

With the iPhone’s unbreakable encryption features, murderous drug lords in Mexico are sure to adopt the iPhone as their smartphone of choice while plotting to sell heroin to your cousin.


001: Oculus Rift, iPhone 7, Back to the Future

Our first episode! As we open, Rob delivers a hilarious monologue about why the McFly family from Back to the Future are worthless pieces of crap and don’t deserve to be saved. Speaking of which, did we see one smart phone in Back to the Future II? We did not, but in real-life 2015, we’re getting “excited” about dropping loads of cash on the new iPhone 7.

iPhone 7 Rumors

  • No Headphone Jack (one port)
  • 3D Technology
  • Thinner
  • Faster
  • Stronger
  • Sexier
  • Waterproof
  • Bigger touchable screen area


As the episode drones on, Eddie and Rob then dive into wireless charging technology and why it’s not quite ready for prime-time. Rob’s idiot friend has a stupid phone that charges wirelessly, but the phone has to touch the charging station. What’s the freaking point? Might as well plug the damn thing into the stupid wall.

The Oculus Rift is the hottest thing on the market, mostly because of its adult video potential. The guys discuss the latest on the virtual reality gadget and where the technology is taking us (into our bedrooms with the door closed). But is all the hype really worth it?

Finally, the bitter SarcasTechCast hosts discuss other popular podcasts and why they don’t like them.

Be sure to subscribe to the podcast, follow us on Twitter, and tell all your dumb friends about the most cynical tech podcast ever.